Woman Feels ‘Hurt’ After Sister Offers Her Personal Attendant Role Instead of Asking Her to Be a Bridesmaid

A 21-year-old woman is torn over whether to accept a role in her sister’s wedding after being asked to serve as a “personal attendant” instead of a bridesmaid.

In a post on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” forum, she explained that her sister, who is getting married, assigned all of their other siblings spots in the bridal party — one as maid of honor and the younger ones as junior bridesmaids and groomsmen — while giving her a separate, helper-style role.

“I feel like I would have been less hurt if she just didn’t ask me to be a part of her wedding at all,” she wrote, admitting she felt “offended and hurt” by the offer.

According to her post, her sister told her she wouldn’t be part of the bridal party and that she would be the only one of their four siblings not included that way. Instead, she was told she’d be more “included” by acting as a personal attendant and would still get to dress up for the day.

The role, as described by the bride, would mainly involve running errands on the wedding day and essentially acting as an unpaid day-of coordinator. However, there is already a professional coordinator handling the event, so the Redditor feels there may not even be much for her to do.

She also pointed out that her sister knows she struggles with organization and sometimes even with managing her own day-to-day tasks, making the responsibility of overseeing wedding-day needs feel especially overwhelming and mismatched.

Despite generally having a good relationship with her sister — she said they “get along just fine” and rarely argue — she was surprised and hurt to be singled out as the only sibling not standing with the bridal party.

The woman shared that she plans to take “a week or two” to think things over before officially declining the role. In the meantime, she turned to Reddit to ask whether she was overreacting and whether it would be wrong to say no.

Many commenters encouraged her to reject the position sooner rather than later if she already knows she doesn’t want it, noting that delaying the decision could make things more complicated as the wedding approaches. Several users said they understood why she doesn’t want what they described as a “meaningless title,” and criticized the idea of assigning one sibling an odd job while the others are honored in the bridal party.

“Why on earth would she single you out with an oddball job and separate you from the others?” one commenter asked, calling the decision “downright mean.”

Another echoed the sentiment, writing that it’s “mind-blowing” when brides expect someone to act as a “personal attendant,” saying it often feels like they’re just looking for a free helper rather than offering a genuine place of honor in the wedding.