Woman Planned a Birthday Trip for Her Boyfriend — But Now Wants to Cancel After Finding Out He Can’t Afford to Contribute

A woman planned a birthday trip for her boyfriend but is now thinking about cancelling after realizing she would have to pay for everything herself.

She shared her story on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K. site Mumsnet.com, where people go to ask for advice about personal problems. The woman explained that her boyfriend of one year recently turned 40.

She said she “booked a beautiful countryside lodge with a hot tub” for the celebration and planned it for “this coming weekend due to respective childcare and work commitments.”

However, the woman said her boyfriend told her he would “love to go” but is “struggling for money” right now.

“So the planned pub lunches and nice wine will either not happen or I have to fund,” she added.

The woman also mentioned that her boyfriend still owes her money from an earlier trip and had recently spent money on a five-day bachelor party.

“He’s a lovely man and the relationship is good, but AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to cancel the trip and not pay for everything?” she asked. She also suggested, “I’ve said that we can cancel and use the money for a nice meal and wine instead.”

Opinions were mixed about what she should do.

“I think if you booked the trip, you pay, unless you’ve discussed it and agreed [on] the budget beforehand,” one commenter said.

Others criticized the boyfriend for going on a trip with friends while still owing her money.

“If he genuinely had no money for anything, fair enough. [But] he does have money — he’s choosing to spend it on other things, even though he owes you money.”

“I would not spend on him again (or on shared meals) until he had paid back what he owes and has funded the next meal you share!” another person said.

Some commenters suggested the woman should think about whether she wants to be with someone who can’t afford to share nice experiences.

“I don’t think I could date him,” one person said. “I always have cash available for going out and would expect the same of a partner. I am also reasonably careful with my finances. They would have to be bloody amazing in other ways for me to possibly overlook it.”