Woman Says No to Hosting Her Ex and His Kids for Christmas: ‘We Are No Longer a Family’

A mother turned to Reddit for advice after refusing to host her ex-husband and his other children for Christmas, choosing instead to keep the holiday separate for herself and the two kids they share.

In her post, she explained that she and her ex have been divorced for a little over five years — and that the breakup followed a painful betrayal.

When she asked for the divorce, she had just discovered that he’d been unfaithful for years and was undergoing DNA tests for six children he might have fathered while they were married. She said she ended the relationship as soon as she knew the extent of his behavior, rejecting his attempts to justify what he’d done or persuade her to stay.

After the split, testing confirmed that five of the six children were his. Even then, she said he tried to pull her into conversations with the children’s mothers, something she refused to entertain. She made it clear she never had contact with those women or their kids and didn’t see their situations as her responsibility.

Later, she discovered that her ex had already known about two other children born during their marriage. Those kids eventually moved in with him about a year after the divorce, and, according to her, their mother is no longer in the picture.

Since then, she said, he has fathered even more children. By her count, he now has five additional kids, two of whom also live with him full-time. She admitted she wasn’t sure how present he is in the lives of the others.

When it comes to the two children they share, now 11 and 9, she described him as only lightly involved. He sees them one weekend a month, she wrote, and often uses those brief points of contact to push for something more — not with the kids, but with her. He regularly tries to make “family” plans, she said, and she consistently reminds him that they are no longer a family unit.

Despite her issues with her ex, she has remained on decent terms with his parents. They continue to spend time with their grandchildren and are involved in the kids’ lives.

The conflict resurfaced as Christmas approached. Her former in-laws began urging her to host a big blended gathering at her home — one that would include her, her ex, their two children and his other kids. They argued that it would be better for the children to spend the holiday together and that, as a mother, she should want her kids to know their half-siblings.

She refused, immediately and clearly. Even when they offered to contribute to the meal, including paying for the turkey, she stood her ground, saying she didn’t owe anyone a detailed explanation and that her answer was still no.

In her view, inviting her ex and his other children into her home for Christmas would not be a warm, healing gesture — it would be deeply uncomfortable and potentially damaging. She wrote that she still strongly dislikes her ex and worried that being forced to spend an entire holiday with him could make their children feel responsible for managing her emotions.

She also didn’t want to take on the emotional or financial expectations that would come with including his other children. That would likely mean buying gifts for them, something she doesn’t feel is her role. She emphasized that she has “nothing to do with those kids” and doesn’t want to create the impression that she does.

Another concern was the way her ex might spin the situation to the children who live with him full-time and do not have relationships with their mothers. She fears he could use a joint celebration to suggest that she is stepping into a motherly role for them, or that they are becoming one big family again — a narrative she firmly rejects. She said he has already tried to present them as a “family” in the past, and she is determined not to let that happen again.

Her stance, she insisted, isn’t about cruelty or lingering bitterness, but about boundaries. She wrote that she cannot and will not be a maternal figure to his other children, and that she’s not willing to pretend otherwise for a holiday photo opportunity.

At the end of her post, she asked the Reddit community whether refusing to host the gathering made her “the bad guy,” noting that she truly believes keeping her ex at arm’s length is what’s healthiest for her kids. By keeping their interactions limited and structured, she hopes to shield them from conflict between their parents.

Commenters largely agreed with her. Many said that declining to host someone who repeatedly violated her trust is not spiteful — it’s a form of self-respect. Others pointed out that if her ex or his parents want all of his children together for Christmas, they are perfectly capable of arranging and hosting that celebration themselves, without placing the burden on one of the mothers.

The poster said she fully agreed with that perspective. In her view, the push for a joint celebration isn’t really about the children at all — it’s about her ex and his family trying to pull her back into a role in his life that she has already, decisively, left behind.