Woman’s 4-Month-Old Son Died After She Fell Asleep While Nursing. Now She Shares What Happened to Help Other Moms

What began as a quiet night nursing her 4-month-old son turned into a tragedy Rebekka Card never could have imagined.

Card, 27, had been exclusively breastfeeding her baby, Hayden, who resisted bottles and preferred to nurse. On the night of the incident, she followed her typical routine — nursing him around 9:15 p.m. before settling him down in a DockATot on her bed.

Their pediatrician had previously advised against placing the DockATot in a crib due to suffocation risks, so Card had made the decision to bed-share, believing it would be safer and more convenient for night feedings.

“I always tried to stay upright while nursing to avoid falling asleep,” Card told PEOPLE. “I’d sit with my back against the headboard and keep Hayden sitting upright, crisscrossed in my lap.”

That night, she went to sleep around 10 p.m., and Hayden woke again before 1 a.m. to feed. As she nursed him in bed, exhaustion overwhelmed her.

“I have no memory of falling asleep,” she said. “The next thing I remember is my husband waking me before 5 a.m., asking where Hayden was.”

To their horror, Hayden was no longer in his DockATot. Card was slumped in a sitting position, and Hayden had slipped between her and her husband. He was unresponsive.

“I picked him up, and he was still warm,” she recalled. “We started CPR until the ambulance arrived.”

At the hospital, the couple were questioned by authorities and not immediately allowed to see their son. Hours later, doctors delivered the devastating news — Hayden had not survived.

“Two doctors and a nurse came in. I knew right away. It felt like a scene from Grey’s Anatomy,” Card said. “They said he didn’t make it. I begged them to let me see him, but they treated us like suspects.”

Hayden was just eight days shy of turning four months old.

The family was later called back to the hospital, where they were finally able to say goodbye.

Following an autopsy, Hayden’s official cause and manner of death were both listed as “undetermined.” There were no signs of trauma, illness, toxins, or airway obstruction. However, the report mentioned that the circumstances were consistent with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and noted the possibility of positional asphyxia due to sleep positioning.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) advises against bed-sharing, citing a significantly increased risk of sleep-related infant deaths.

In the aftermath, Card turned to social media to process her grief and share Hayden’s story. On TikTok, she posted a video of her playing with her son the day before his death. The caption read: “I fell asleep nursing my son, and he never woke up. Tragedy only looks preventable when you’re not the one going through it.”

Card says she felt isolated in her grief at first. But sharing her experience brought her unexpected support.

“I wasn’t finding anyone who really understood the depth of this kind of loss,” she said. “When I began sharing, moms and even people who weren’t parents yet started reaching out, telling me they felt seen.”

Through that community, Card discovered resources like the Sleep Safe Seven — guidelines for safer bed-sharing — and began offering support to others grieving child loss or navigating parenthood after trauma.

“It gave purpose to my pain,” she said. “I don’t trauma-compare, and I try to be present with everyone who reaches out. I always leave my messages open.”

While some days still feel as heavy as the day Hayden passed, Card said she’s learned to ride the waves of grief.

“Sometimes I feel driven. Other days, it’s unbearable. But I’ve learned not to suppress it — it only gets worse when I do.”

Above all, she emphasizes compassion — for herself and for others.

“Just because you’re smiling doesn’t mean you’re not grieving. You can miss your child and still laugh. I always say, ‘I hope you find a reason to smile today.’ I really believe in the healing power of that.”