Woman’s Mother-in-Law Books Vacation for the Entire Family. Now, She’s Refusing to Go After Learning It’s During Maternity Leave

A woman is seeking outside perspective after refusing to go on a family vacation that was planned without her consent.

The woman, referred to as the original poster (OP), shared her experience on Reddit, explaining that her mother-in-law is highly family-oriented and has lived alone since being widowed a decade ago. OP is married to her mother-in-law’s eldest son, and the couple recently welcomed a baby. OP’s brother-in-law is also married and has a toddler.

According to OP, before any grandchildren were in the picture, her mother-in-law frequently booked family trips through a timeshare she owned—often without asking whether the dates worked for anyone. OP said this pattern extended beyond vacations to theater shows, sporting events, and other outings that required more than five hours of travel. She added that she already makes the long drive to see her husband’s family at least two or three times every few months.

This year, OP and her husband made a point of telling her mother-in-law several times that she needed to check with them before booking anything. Despite that, on Christmas Day, her mother-in-law surprised the family with a “gift”: a week-long vacation in a ski town scheduled for May, meant to celebrate a major work anniversary.

OP said her mother-in-law emphasized that she chose the timing because it fell before OP’s maternity leave ended. However, OP noted that being on maternity leave does not mean she is available or comfortable traveling.

OP described the situation as manipulative and said her brother-in-law and sister-in-law were also unhappy with the plan. Some family members aren’t even sure they can get time off work. She asked whether she was wrong for not wanting to go on the trip.

In the comments, many readers agreed that OP wasn’t overreacting and said the family needs to be more direct with her mother-in-law.

“Stop being subtle, she can’t understand that,” one commenter wrote. “Call her out and tell her, ‘I wish you would have discussed this with us. I have plans during that time and will not be able to attend.’ Say it clearly and stick to it. Your husband needs to correct this going forward.”

Another commenter suggested declining the trip while still offering an alternative way to celebrate the milestone.

“I would suggest declining this trip and also planning something else to mark the occasion,” the person wrote. They suggested explaining that preparing to return to work and driving long distances with a newborn made the May trip unrealistic, while proposing a shorter, more manageable trip later in the year that everyone could agree on.

A few days later, OP shared an update. After taking time to think it over, she told her husband she didn’t want to go on the trip. While he didn’t pressure her, she said he was clearly disappointed and felt that he should still attend.

OP explained to him that her maternity leave is “precious time” to her, but she felt he didn’t fully understand her perspective. After speaking with her brother-in-law, they learned that he and his spouse also didn’t want to go on the May trip. Now, the family is discussing the possibility of planning a different trip at another time to celebrate the mother-in-law’s achievement in a way that works for everyone.