Women Wonders If She’s ‘Selfish’ After Asking Her Sister to Stop Telling Her About Her ‘Toxic’ Relationship

A woman says she feels “selfish” after telling her sister she no longer wants to hear about her “toxic relationship.”

Writing on Reddit’s “Am I the A——” forum, she explained that her younger sister is dating a man who treats her poorly and constantly turns to her for emotional support and advice — which she never actually follows.

“My little sister, whom I do love a lot, has dated a guy who just completely mistreats her,” she wrote. “When he does, she cries to me about it and asks what she should do, and I tell her that it’s not right, she deserves a more loving pairing and she should leave him.”

According to the poster, her sister initially agrees with her and seems ready to walk away, but then always ends up returning to the relationship. “When he hurts her again, she comes back to me, asking for advice,” she added.

The woman shared that she was once in a long-term toxic relationship herself, and hearing about her sister’s situation now feels “triggering” and emotionally exhausting.

The Redditor said she eventually told her sister that she “can’t be her support for these things” anymore. In response, her sister became “mad” and has now stopped opening up to her about “anything.”

“Whenever she comes to me for support, my heart breaks with hers. I can’t help feeling invested because I love her, [but] I’m starting to feel like my emotional labor is wasted because she chooses to go back to him,” she explained.

She then asked fellow Reddit users if she was being “selfish” for not wanting to listen to her sister’s relationship problems anymore. Most commenters reassured her that she was not in the wrong.

“You need to look after yourself first and foremost, and if it’s reminding you of your own trauma every time she does it, that’s not great,” one commenter wrote, adding that “getting out of an abusive relationship is difficult, but there might be resources nearby for her.”

“I think you need to explain your thinking to her so she understands why you’re setting this boundary,” another person suggested. “Explain to her that you just want her to be happy and you can’t watch her continue to go back to this man who is clearly making her unhappy.”

A third user summed it up bluntly: “You are not the selfish one. She is asking you to be part of a continuing toxic relationship that is triggering for you. You cannot be an emotional cushion for someone who won’t take your advice.”