Dad Hurt After Newlywed Son Chooses to Spend Christmas Day with In-Laws. Now He Wants to Know If He Can ‘Push Back’

A father took to Reddit looking for perspective as he navigates his first holiday season with a newly married son.

He said he and his wife are happy for the couple and “genuinely supportive of them creating their own life and traditions.” He also shared his belief that “once you get married, your wife becomes your primary family and the parents are immediately relegated to second tier.” Even so, he admitted their Christmas plans stirred up mixed emotions.

According to the post, the newlyweds told his side of the family that their “new tradition” would be spending Christmas Eve together. On Christmas Day, they planned to spend the morning alone as a couple, then head to the daughter-in-law’s parents’ home “for the rest of Christmas Day.”

While he appreciated being included, the father said the plan still hurt. To him, it implied that “for every Christmas going forward, we will never host them on Christmas Day.” He added that the daughter-in-law’s family would “always have them on the day itself,” leaving him worried his side would slowly be edged out — a dynamic he feared could become “exponentially worse” once grandchildren entered the picture.

He acknowledged that “it’s not practical for them to visit two houses on Christmas Day,” but said he hoped the families could find a more balanced routine. His idea was to “gently push back and propose an alternating schedule,” laying out a straightforward swap:

“Year 1: Christmas Eve with us / Christmas Day with DIL’s family. Year 2: Christmas Eve with DIL’s family / Christmas Day with us.”

Ultimately, he asked whether making that request would be reasonable — and how to bring it up “without sounding demanding or unsupportive.” He stressed that he didn’t want resentment to build, writing that they wanted to protect the relationship while also establishing “a fair balance now before the tradition is set in stone.”

Reddit commenters, however, largely saw the situation differently.

One user responded bluntly: “YTA this isn’t your decision to make it’s theirs,” adding that many couples prefer spending holidays at home once children arrive.

Another commenter zeroed in on his framing, pointing out that he repeatedly used the phrase “push back.” In their view, that choice of words revealed a misunderstanding of who gets to decide.

“You can push back if someone asks your opinion or asks you to do something, but you can’t really push back in this situation,” the commenter wrote. “You can let them know how you feel but if you handle it the wrong way you may lose Christmas Eve as well.”