Woman Conflicted Over Boyfriend’s Friendship with Co-Worker Who ‘Absolutely Hated’ Her, Says She’s Trying to ‘Stir Drama’

A woman turned to Reddit for advice after feeling increasingly uneasy about her boyfriend’s renewed friendship with a coworker who previously made it clear she didn’t like her.

She said that overall, their relationship was solid and “basically drama-free,” but conflict kept popping up around his 22-year-old coworker, whose behavior had always felt off to her.

In her post, she explained that before she and her boyfriend started dating, this coworker “absolutely hated me,” trash-talked her, and made “weird borderline inappropriate jokes” with him.

According to the poster, everything changed as soon as he asked her out. The coworker “suddenly flipped and became super ‘nice’ even though she’d made it very clear she couldn’t stand me before,” she wrote.

Both women worked at the same company in different departments, which made avoiding one another difficult. Early on, the boyfriend chose to stop talking to the coworker “out of respect for me,” the poster said, noting that this was his idea and she simply agreed.

Months later, during an argument, she told him she didn’t want to be controlling and that “he could talk to her if he wanted.” At first, that felt like a reasonable compromise. But as their workplace interactions went back to normal, her discomfort returned — and “every time he brings her up, my mood switches instantly,” she admitted.

She stressed that she fully trusted her boyfriend and didn’t believe he was crossing any lines. What bothered her was the coworker’s behavior: coming up to her with things she believed were exaggerated or untrue, and pushing boundaries in ways that seemed designed to get under her skin.

“It makes me feel like she’s trying to stir drama or make herself seem closer to him than she is,” the poster wrote, adding that these interactions always felt like attempts to provoke a reaction.

Because the issue surfaced so often, it had become the only topic they really argued about. She felt exhausted by having to explain, over and over, why the dynamic was so upsetting and why it was hard for her to stay calm when the coworker was involved.

One commenter suggested she be completely honest with her boyfriend: “Tell your boyfriend the truth without sugarcoating it. Tell him you trust him but you’re done pretending you’re fine with someone poking the bear every chance she gets.” They said she didn’t necessarily need him to cut contact again, but she did need him “to take this seriously enough to set some boundaries with her on his end.”

The same commenter also encouraged the poster to work on her own reactions, warning that by visibly losing her temper, she might unintentionally be “teaching both of them to push your buttons at this point.”

They reminded her that “it’s never the women he tells you about that you need to worry about,” noting that if anything inappropriate were happening, he likely wouldn’t be so open about mentioning the coworker at all.

Another commenter urged her to protect her peace rather than giving the coworker so much power over her emotions. “You need to stop allowing this girl to make you so upset,” they wrote. “She isn’t worth your stress. If she wants to be b—– that’s on her.”