Woman Says She Will No Longer Attend Friend’s Wedding Because He Refused to Go to Her Birthday Party: ‘It Really Bothers Me’

A woman says she’s no longer planning to attend a friend’s wedding abroad after he told her he wouldn’t come to her birthday celebration because he “didn’t think it would be fun for him.”

She shared the situation on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, explaining that her friend is getting married overseas next year and that she had initially planned to go — even though it would require a major investment of time and money.

However, she said her plans changed after the friend told her he would be skipping her birthday party this year. The woman said she organized the celebration at a pottery and painting studio because she wanted something calm and enjoyable during a stressful period in her life.

“My life has been pretty stressful lately, and I wanted to do something relaxing that wasn’t going out to eat and drink. This is something I would genuinely enjoy,” she wrote.

According to the OP, the outing would have cost her friend around $14 and taken only a few hours. She said she feels “angry” and “hurt,” adding that it “really bothers” her that he couldn’t make what she saw as a small effort for someone who considers himself a close friend. She also acknowledged she has held onto frustrations about his past behavior, which may be influencing how strongly she’s reacting now.

“AITA [am I the a——] for deciding to no longer [go] to his wedding due to this?” she asked.

In the comments, some readers supported her decision, arguing that the friend’s reasoning sounded selfish and that showing up for important moments is part of being a real friend.

“NTA [not the a——],” one person wrote. “Your response is neither petty nor overreactive. His stated reasons for not wanting to come to your birthday can be attributed to nothing but pure selfishness. Any decent friend would show up for you, let alone a friend who asked you to pony up the money and time to attend his upcoming wedding abroad.”

Others pushed back, suggesting she should have communicated her feelings directly rather than responding by withdrawing from the wedding.

“YTA [you’re the a——]. You need to learn how to communicate … You could have just replied, ‘It would mean a lot if you would come and support it,’ ” another commenter said.

One more person added that expecting people to automatically understand emotional expectations can lead to resentment — and that an honest conversation might clarify whether the friendship is worth continuing.